Dear Our President,
I have been waiting eagerly for that letter and the accompanying cheque. So far nothing has arrived in the post and your office boys are not forthcoming with information. Please say something. I know you went for the third world war but some of us are not so tenacious.
I did not mean you are a soldier at all. I am referring to those days when WAEC tortured us with those exams. I mean ‘O’ and ‘A’ levels. People like you, who were sharp wrote them once and went their merry ways, but we, the not so smart ones had to write them twice or even three times. At the end, we gathered our poor passes like meat on a skewer and proceeded with the Khebab results. You get me now.
The letter and money both have not come, and I owe old student’s dues and some square headed (please can I add foolish) boys are disturbing me so I decided to speed up the process by whetting your appetite. But note that I will also be a bit stingy. We lapors thrive on the beneficence of our lapor masters, so no letter no lapor.
People have whispered into my ears. They have really whispered. I didn’t know people had so much to share. That is why you must give me that appointment quickly. You could be shocked into a coma by the things you are told.
They say discipline. Yes discipline. You know how people love sending their beloved children to those big people’s children’s schools in Cape Coast. I hear the last time people gifted people up to 2000 large ones to get their children into some of those schools. It was whispered to me that when people go and visit these special and they are returning to Accra, they drive for as long as five hours before getting home.
They whispered loudly that those driving cars that they mostly did not buy with their own monies drive past everyone with loud wailing and strange lights. Those people with three penny brains (is that not why they are called tro-tro?) too drive on the ears of the road. The truck drivers whispered particularly about those wicked ramps that have been recently constructed on the road. They really shake the bones.
They say John the Hopeful’s Kasoa overpass has done very little. They say the traffic starts from way back because of all those little villages on the road before Kasoa. They say the dual carriage road should be extended all the way to Awutu. They whispered that the Budumburam junction and the Quarry junction are major bottlenecks that should be tackled first.
But most importantly, they say before you do all the above, you should get the men in black to start changing the sleeping places of those who with three penny brains and those who drive the cars they didn’t buy with their own monies, and zoom past other users on the road. They say you should copy (note, I said copy) what your brother from mighty Nigeria did in another lifetime. Yes, it was Bouhari who prosecuted a War Against Indiscipline (WAI). You don’t remember WAI? It was big.
Bye-bye Boss in the pipeline.
P.S. Please a little advance payment as you think about the letter would ensure I hear a lot more whispers.