First Lapor (My Appointment)

Dear Our President,

I must say I am surprised at some of my friends. They say they don’t want any posts in your government? They are lying. They hope by saying that you will think them modest and look on them more kindly.

As for me I want a post. But none of those posts where I can be sacked because Aunty Rebecca annoyed you at home. Minister this and minister that. None of that for me. Too small and too much in the public eye. I can’t even take a nice girl to dinner without some Anas or Manasseh writing stories about me.

I want to be your lapor. You don’t know lapor? Sorry, please forgive me. Sometimes I forget you are still a bit British, in fact very British. Or is it French? We local boys call people who carry tales that. So instead of tattle tale we say lapor.

You want to know why I want to be your lapor?  Being a lapor by its very nature means I must not be known, so I would in other words be undercover, which implies I can go and come as I please. Nice isn’t it? And take the same pay as those poor ministers!

As proof of my usefulness, I have already got some tit bits for your ears only. The people who use the Zongo junction, at Medina in Accra say I should ask you if that road is finished. They say they can’t think far, that a three lane road is so difficult to traverse at that point, travelling both north – south and west – east. The people who use the Abuakwa bit of the Kumasi road to get to Ahafo and Brong have also whispered into my ear. The say they beg you to widen the road so they stop spending an hour on just that portion of the road. Okay, last one, you haven’t yet employed me. Some people have just told me that Lecturers should be banned from producing and selling pamphlets to their students. They say it is, (that word again), plagiarism. Also, it prevents students reading original texts so they don’t develop the art of note taking and the ability to understand complex arguments. Worse still, students who buy these pamphlets are guaranteed 30% marks, so don’t work as hard as they should.

There are many more you know? But hand go hand come. Nothing is for free. Just give me the appointment letter, and one month’s pay as guarantee of employment. I can even lapor on the other appointments you are about to make that could be problematic.

Bye-bye future boss.



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