Dear Our President,
Can I start today’s Lapor by saying thank you? My President, being a lapor is not an easy job at all. The people who whisper into your ears sometimes think you are a charlatan and all their whisperings will amount to naught. Sometimes you yourself are a bit doubtful when I bring you the whisperings. But in the case of the Hopeful man’s residence arrangements, you seem to have validated my great standing. They came, they whispered, and you heard. Now they respect me too much; they know they have my flappy ears, and I have yours.
Today’s whisperings are not too strong. They are a bit uncertain. They do not seem to have organized the thinking behind the whisperings properly, but they are still whispering. They say your Kente for the inauguration was fabulous. They say they have never seen one like that before. So intricate. They say if there was a word such as Ghante, they would use it to describe the cloth, all of Ghana’s people were represented in it. They say you are truly a great chief of our country. They say you are a very strong man to have carried all that weight. Macho Man. (That is what the ladies are calling you. Please don’t tell Auntie Rebecca).
Please were you there when the cloth was being made? Boss you know I am not asking for myself. It is them. They want to know how you felt when you saw the first ‘draft’. Did you think it would be so beautiful? Or you did not see it till it was finished? Did your stomach make you glu glu? (Sorry, I forgot myself) Did you have butterflies in your stomach?
They say their stomachs are making them glu glu. They say you are weaving a cloth for them that has never been done before. They say they do not know what the final product will look like. They say by the time you finish weaving the cloth the wedding will be due and they won’t have a second chance to get a new cloth.
They are referring to your ministerial appointments Sir. They say there are all kinds of ministries they have never heard of before. They say you are giving explanations, but just like the appointments they are being made piecemeal. They say they have no idea what the final arrangement will be. They say they would have been happy to see the big picture first so they would have had a clear idea where you are taking us.
Sir, some of the questions are beyond my simple powers of reasoning. Try as I may, I cannot imagine the answer I could give. Sir, try this on for size, “National Security Adviser, National Security Coordinator, National Security Minister, Defense Minister, Interior Minister, is Ghana going to war with North Korea? Sir, what is your answer so I can repeat it verbatim?
Sir, have a great day. Your worried Lapor.
P.S. Please is there a plural for deputies? No? How? Okay, they want to know if in addition to these ministers there will be deputies.