Dear Our President,
Why, Why? Why are you disgracing me this way? Anyone watching some of your actions would think you did not have a competent lapor! Why do you want to behave as if I have not told you exactly how the people feel? Why do you add insult to injury? You still refuse to give me my appointment letter and my pay, and because of that you behave as if the whisperings I have whispered so far have not been true and exact.
Sir, my chest is not good at all. I mean it does not take much to make me angry these days. Have I not whispered to you about the secret and not so secret pseudo-auctions? In fact one of my lapors tells me about a man who bought a luxury vehicle at such a ridiculous price that he took fright. He told my lapor that he was afraid the original owner would put a curse on him, so he would not drive it. He was going to sell it at about twenty five times the price he paid for it, and enjoy life.
People are waiting for you to take action. They are keeping their fingers crossed that you will put an embargo on the registration of all cars, trucks, bicycles, push-carts and any other contraptions, till the sales have been reviewed and approved, and most of them repossessed, but that you don’t do. Instead, you announce the celebration of Ghana at Sixty!
We won’t celebrate anything! Sorry Sir, the people say they won’t celebrate any birthday. They say Ghana is ready to retire but has no retirement package unlike some people. Where are her ornate expensive houses with expansive lawns, and swimming pools, fleet of luxury cars, skilled international gardeners, maidens-at-hand, and finally the ever popular ex-gratia? Sir, if you do not listen to them I will resign from this great job!
One lapor said it is “a complete waste of scarce resources! What are we celebrating?” Another said “do we need pomp and pageantry? It is going to be just another celebration for elites in Accra and to a lesser extent other capital cities to satisfy their egos.” I do not understand all of those big words, but the message is clear. Cease and desist.
Sir, the people may have forgotten about the sins of the past, let them remain buried. I have heard a few people praising the decision. But be careful when they shout ‘hail him’ they may only be trying to catch your attention, hoping to hear their names in the next announcement.
Please on the great day, could we all head to our backyards and start preparing the land towards the first rains? Okay, I know very little about farming. Could we clean our cities, towns and villages? Okay, maybe not the best idea. But the people tell me we should do something useful and patriotic. Do not spend any of the money that we really do not have.
Sir, sometimes (if not all the time) before you put any such thing out, please, please confirm with me. I know I am nobody special, but I have the peoples’ mouths, and I have your ears. It is a perfect chain. Don’t go breaking that perfect chain.
Sir the people are laughing. Well I cannot say at you. Never. Sir, they are laughing at the size of your tea-drinking brigade. 30 of them! Who is going to supply the tea? Us? No way! And would they be paid allowances? Can I clear my throat? Just cease and desist.
Bye-bye. I hope my voice did not go up ever so slightly while delivering my report.
P.S. Sir, they say to tell you “a great evening party shows obvious signs even early in the morning”. Sir what do they mean?
Help. Lapor is looking for copies of the Greenstreet, Chinery-Hesse, Yamson, and Edu-Boandoh committee reports. They can’t seem to be found anywhere. Please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you already.